Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.