Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.