When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!