Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial