What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic