During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!