Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.