What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!