Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.