Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.