How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
