When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.