Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.