Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.