History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
To get to the other tide.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.