The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.