Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece