I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes