Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.