What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.