My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
I couldn't chair less!
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover