How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
I couldn't chair less!
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.