I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
I couldn't chair less!
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
