I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
Nothing really mattress.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.