What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....
He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna1, Anna2
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.