My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
Shoutout to my grandparents...
Because that's the only way they can hear me.
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.