Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
I really hate straws.
They suck.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.