When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.