Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.