My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I really hate straws.
They suck.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...