Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.