Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I really hate straws.
They suck.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.