How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.