What do Saturday and Sunday have in common with the corona virus?
The weakend.
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.
She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.
she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.
she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.
Best thing that has ever happened to me.
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
They found a plant that cures COVID-19!
It’s called plant yourself on the couch.
Why is there no COVID cases in Antarctica
Because it’s so ice-o-lated
While it’s taking a while for the Corona virus to reach other countries, China got it right off the bat.
Due to covid most exotic dancers have been furloughed.
Basically, they’ve been stripped of their source of income.
Why can't corona virus jokes go viral?
Because people are laughing into their elbows.
As the local drunk, I'm quite worried about the corona virus.
It's got potential tequila lot of people.
The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming figures
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.
Turns out my dad who’s a locksmith still has to go to work during lockdown.
He’s a key worker, you see.
Hey, my parents are out of town. That means we have the haunted mansion all to ourselves.
Just saw a burglar kicking his own door in.
I asked: “What are you doing?”
“Working from home.”
Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.
I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
I'm using a bra for a face mask.
I like to keep abreast of corona security measures.
Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you?
Please stop with all the corona jokes.
I‘m sick of it.
What's the difference between butter and the corona virus?
Corona actually spreads.
What do you get when a raven flies into a group of 18 crows?
Corvid-19.
You know why women's eyes are so noticeable these days?
It's the mask era.
Flat earthers fear 6 feet social distancing could push some people over the edge.
I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.
I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received in the last 10 years.
Nice pumpkins!
Are you dressed up as a tree? Cause you’re giving me wood.
You know what they say... Big Feet.
I may be dressed as a vampire tonihgt, but if you play your cards right you might be the one sucking
Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.
My wife: Who did?
Me: Yep.
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.
It was a shot in the dark, but I took it.
Girl, you make my crotch rise from the dead
What movie perfectly describes the corona virus?
No country for old men.
That mask is becoming on you. If it were me, I’d be coming too.
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
She’s now my quaranteen.
Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta.
All because of a fusilli people.
My real costume is at home in a box under my bed.
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible."
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago."
Who is running the corona virus relief?
WHO??
Why did the vampire get a COVID test?
Because he was COFFIN.
What do Muslims do during the coronavirus outbreak?
They stay in Quran-tine.
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.