What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
Why did the computer squeak? Because someone stepped on its mouse!
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.
Are you WiFi?
Because I can feel the connection between us.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape.
I should get a new keyboard.
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
I wanted to do some research on organs in biology, but I had no WiFi and couldn't find the information I wanted.
I wound up using cellular.
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!