I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
Why do you need a password to make a camp fire?
So you can log in.
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
I asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.
She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!!"
Why did the hard drive crash?
Because it had a bad driver.
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
Today I Learned I should NOT have my password be the name of my cat.
I then turned to my cat and said, "Well, wJ:cg/v&A;6BTt, I guess it's back to the drawing board."
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
I was waiting at the hotel's lobby when the WiFi was disconnecting from time to time.
I really hated that reception.
Some guy asked dad for the WiFi code.
Shrugging his shoulders and giving a sympathetic look, he responded: I can't figure her out either.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
I wanted to do some research on organs in biology, but I had no WiFi and couldn't find the information I wanted.
I wound up using cellular.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
The computer wanted to get out of the house, so it used the Windows.