I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.