I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
Have you heard about the guys who stole a truck full of broccoli and cauliflower? They had to really floret to get away.
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’