"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.
"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
You look like my future ex wife.
"It's not me, it's you!"
"You're perfect in every way, just not for me."
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
"I took a gamble and chose you, now i believe I made a bad bet."
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Boy: Want to hear a joke?
Girlfriend: Sure.
Boy: Our relationship.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
We're donion rings.
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
"Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you."
I really like you. So does my wife.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
"I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you're not."
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.