Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
"It's not you...it's your taste in music"
"You're not Mr. Right.... just Mr. Right Now."
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
Boy: Want to hear a joke?
Girlfriend: Sure.
Boy: Our relationship.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
"Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?"
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
"Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you"
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
"We are like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it."
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
"Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back."
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
I think we need to become better strangers.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
You looked better when I was drunk.
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
"Roses are red, violets are blue. We're breaking up beacause I never loved you."
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
"I took a gamble and chose you, now i believe I made a bad bet."
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
Girl: Your ex is so attractive
Boy: Which one?
Girl: ME. Goodbye.
"It's not me, it's you!"
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.