Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
"Hey babe, you heard of the movie 'Other people?'"
"Yeah, why?"
"I think we should see it."
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
Do you happen to know sign language? Because this is the last time you’ll hear from me.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
"Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?"
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
I think we need to become better strangers.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."
Girl: Your ex is so attractive
Boy: Which one?
Girl: ME. Goodbye.
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
"I'll always remember last night, but I think we can forget about tomorrow."
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
I really like you. So does my wife.
"This isn't easy and neither are you. I'm breaking up with you."
"I treated this relationship like my diet, one cheat day a week."
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
You look like my future ex wife.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
"Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?"
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Let’s make like an atom, and split.