Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
"Bugs and hisses."
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.