How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
"No body won the skeleton race."
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!