Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.