Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.