Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."