What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.