Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
"Some people have no guts."
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
"Dying to have fun."
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.