What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
"Dying to have fun."