What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.