My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
"Bugs and hisses."
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
"Lazy bones."
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.