There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.