The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
You’re my heartthrob.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.