Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"
Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."