Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.