Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.