Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.