Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
Only a**holes use bidets.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.