You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.