A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.