To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
All farts...are laughing gas.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.