Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
