Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.