What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus