Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps