If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets